With 60 games to go — is there any point?

We imagine the conversation that changed everything went something like this…

Ring, ring.

GRID: “Hello, hi Steve!”

HART: “How did you know it was me?”

GRID: “You’re calling me on the direct hotline we established last year after the David Ortiz trade…”

HART: “Oh yeah, that’s right. I understand you’re making Mookie Betts available and I want to make an offer.”

GRID: “I’ve been expecting your call! And I accept!”

HART: “Wait, you haven’t even heard what I’m offering.”

GRID: “I know based on our last six trades in 20 months that you will make me an offer that I will find acceptable.”

WILD-CARD STANDINGS

 

DIVISION LEADERS W L Pct. GB
MARGARITAVILLE 66 34 .660
APPLEGATE 62 38 .620
SAVANNAH 56 44 .560
WILD-CARD RACE W L Pct. GB
SUPERIOR 61 39 .610 +6
SATELLITE BEACH 58 42 .580 +3
SGP/DBB 55 45 .550
WEST ATLANTA 54 46 .540 -1
BUSHWOOD 52 48 .520 -3
BISMARCK 50 50 .500 -5

HART: “Thank you for those kind words. So I want to offer you Charlie Blackmon…”

GRID: “Charlie Blackmon, perennial .300 hitter, reigning NL batting champion, for Betts? I accept! Pleasure dealing with—”

HART: “Hold on. I’m also offering Rhys Hoskins…”

GRID: “Hoskins, eh? No. 18 pick overall in this year’s draft? Guy with the 18-homer in 170 at-bat season and 1.014 OPS card? Hmm…. I like Hoskins but because he’s limited I think I’ll take Blackmon.”

HART: “You don’t understand — they’re both in the deal.”

GRID: “Both? I get Blackmon and the 25-year-old Hoskins? Currently with 21 homers and fifth in the NL with 70 RBIs? I accept.”

HART: “Hold on, I’m not done. I’m also including Michael Fulmer in the deal.”

GRID: “Michael Fulmer? He has one of the top starting pitcher cards this year! He was eighth in the majors in 2017 with a .644 OPS. He had a 1.15 WHIP last year. He’s better than any starting pitcher on my staff. He’s in the deal too??? I accept! I accept!”

HART: “Hold on, hold on.”

 

THE SAVANNAH-MARGARITAVILLE SHUTTLE

Thirty-eight players/draft picks have changed hands between Savannah and Margaritaville in the last 20 months, some of them more than once. Of the 20 acquired by the Scorpions, 11 remain on the roster today (indicated by an *). Here’s a recap:

July 26, 2018 Departed Savannah Acquired from Margaritaville
OF Charlie Blackmon OF Mookie Betts *
1B-OF Rhys Hoskins P Carlos Rodon *
SP Michael Fulmer RP Joakim Soria *
OF Colby Rasmus
May 28, 2018 Departed Savannah Acquired from Margaritaville
OF Domingo Santana OF Mitch Haniger *
RP Pat Nishek RP T.J. McFarland *
RP Alex Claudio RP Craig Stammen *
OF Brandon Nimmo
May 19, 2018 Departed Savannah Acquired from Margaritaville
SP Andrew Cashner SP Jon Lester *
OF Jarrod Dyson C Wilson Ramos *
July 27, 2017 Departed Savannah Acquired from Margaritaville
P Jon Lester P Marcus Stroman
P Andrew Triggs P Luke Weaver
May 1, 2017 Departed Savannah Acquired from Margaritaville
RP Addison Reed RP Cam Bedrosian
SP Colby Lewis SP Andrew Triggs
RP Hector Neris *
Dec. 18, 2016 Departed Savannah Acquired from Margaritaville
Pick 1 (C Gary Sanchez) P Anthony Desclafani
Pick 95 (P Jarrel Cotton) OF Jorge Soler
Pick 5 (P Michael Fulmer)
Nov. 21, 2016 Departed Savannah Acquired from Margaritaville
DH David Ortiz 2b Rougned Odor *
SS Wilmer Flores C Matt Wieters
Pick 80 (OF Ichiro Suzuki) OF Randal Grichuk *

GRID: “Oh-oh. I knew this was too good to be true. Here comes the infamous Hart Sweetener.”

HART: “Yep, I want to include Colby Rasmus in the deal.”

GRID: “Colby Rasmus? I can’t include him, he’s not on the Volcanoes.”

HART: “I know, he’s a Scorpion. I want to make him a Volcano.”

GRID: “OK, but doesn’t the Hart Sweetener usually go the other way?”

HART: “Desperate times call for desperate measures. We’re in danger of winning our division and making the playoffs, and then we’d be stuck with a bad drafting position. and we’d probably get annihilated in the first round anyway.”

GRID: “So Rasmus, the limited lefty slugger with a ridiculous number of home run chances against righties? He’s in this deal too? What else do I have to give up besides Betts?”

HART: “Well, I need some pitching back to remain constitutional.”

GRID: “Ewww… I don’t really have top-notch pitching that I can spare. I suppose you want Ervin Santana or Andrew Cashner…”

HART: “No, nothing like that. Was thinking more like an aging relief pitcher and maybe an unproven starter. Preferably a lefty. And not too many innings left for this year please. ”

GRID: “OK, how about Joakim Soria and Carlos Rodon?”

HART: “Yes!”

GRID: “So that’s the deal? Blackmon, Hoskins, Fulmer, Rasmus for Betts, Soria and Rodon?”

Mookie Betts

Betts

HART: “Betts! Betts! BETTS!”

GRID: “I’ll have what you’re having.”

The line goes silent for a moment.

GRID: “Steve? You still there? I accept.”

HART: “Always great dealing with you, Grid. Great that we can make these regular swaps that are good deals for both teams. Am I right? Grid? You still there?”

GRID: “Sorry, I was just running the Draft-alyzer on my pocket calculator and I’ve determined that now the 2018 Volcanoes are even more formidable than the 2017 World Champion Volcanoes who won 106 games. Check out the Lava Flow notes on the league website for proof.”

HART: “Wow, that’s impressive. I don’t know how you do it year after year.”

GRID: “I can’t take all the credit, Steve. I couldn’t do it without your tremendous support.”

HART: “Well, you sure look unbeatable now.”

GRID: “I love being able to just throw a lineup out on the field and roll the dice and not have to think about making any moves. Strategy is so 1980s.”

HART: “I am a little concerned though that deals like this are not good for the league… you know, setting one team up for world domination kinda kills league-wide enthusiasm for the playoff push and making deadline deals… Just kidding! Not! I got Mookie Betts! Betts! Betts! BETTS!”

GRID: “Your staying power at your age is impressive.”

HART: “So with 60 games left do you think the team can live up to these new high expectations?”

GRID: “Yep. We don’t play our nemesis Hypnotoads in the remaining 60 games, so we should be in good shape. I see us going about 51-9 to finish at 117-43. (The MLB record is 116).”

HART: “Sounds about right. And then if you somehow get knocked out in the playoffs, it’ll be the game engine’s fault.”

GRID: “All right, well, thanks for the call, talk to you soon.”

HART: “Maybe sooner than you think!”

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2 Responses

  1. Apparently the Hart Sweetner causes Type 2 Diabetes.

    Homer

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

  2. Now that is some high-quality web content for you right there. Bravo Gary.

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